i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
