Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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