he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
