Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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