i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
