Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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