I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
