I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
