Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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