Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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