Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
