I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
