I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
