dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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