yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
