The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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