Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
