I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
