Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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