can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
