Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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