I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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