we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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