two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
