she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
