looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
