The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im holly from the hills drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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