I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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