how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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