i think i have two assholes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
