she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
