i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
