I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
