Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
