I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
