I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
