I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
