it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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