True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
