just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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