I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
