If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
