Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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