My friends, they love my intelligence
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
