she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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