I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They have beer where we have blood.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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