i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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