Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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