Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
