Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
