with your own penis?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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