I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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