I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
