"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
