I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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