I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
