The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i would punch a child for taco bell
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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