My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
