My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
