The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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