plz talk dirty to me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
