It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
