i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
