My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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