If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
