dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
