i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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