I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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