im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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